A Shot To Kill The Pain.

You cry so much you start to have an anxiety attack and you're gasping for air but you can't seem to calm down and end up puking from the sick to your stomach feeling you get when you replay every word said to you.i thought it was a dream,i thought it wasn't real,but the pain really hurts and it's really how i feel.

11months.i never would have imagined that that would come out of your mouth.i don't know whether you really mean it or not.If i was really as hard hearted like you said,i would've felt nothing.But why do i feel that way.You made me want so much to be alone.i feel that people should always note what they're saying because words can kill.You made me feel so bad about myself.If you're really that mindful about my past you should've told me right from the start.You may not mean what you said,but the fact is you said it without any hesitation.You sound as if i'm doing those things when i'm in the middle of a relationship with you,but i did not.i have made that mistake sometimes and i feel so bad because i can't take back what i've said.i can only apologise and hope that the person will be okay.That was the first time you said that,and it kept on replaying itself.There and then,why don't you realised what you meant as a joke could hurt someone's feeling so bad.Even if you did not do it intentionally,the hurt is already inflicted,no amount of explanations will work.There's a difference between constructive criticism and downright slagging people off.The words won't go away,it may be forgiven but never forgotten.My mind went blank the minute you said that,you may think i should not react so strongly to it.You may think it's a small matter.But to me,i've always thought you are someone who wouldn't hurt me no matter what.i know it's common for someone to say something wrongly but i didn't expect this much hurt just the first time you do that.A relationship shouldn't be like this,no matter what your past is,i wouldn't say that.I am really disappointed.It seems as if the whole 11months is a joke,the things you did for me,the things i did for you,it all seems like nothing.i will be okay i know,but the feeling won't go away.Some time alone will do.Instead of asking me to be understanding,why don't you do some soul searching.Thing became this way because of what you said,don't try to make me the bad guy again.i'm sick and tired already.Breaking up because of this,no,but the pain will be there.