Pointless.

i've been wasting my time away lately.Because i've got nothing to do,i stay home and mind fuck myself.Okay i know it's damn stupid.Hun is right,every time you have a problem,you have to share it with someone else and i swear it kind of works uh...maybe 30%.i told baby about what i was thinking and he assured me that i was reading too much into things.i hope i was,even if it's not the case,i am not really bothered about it anymore.Cause after talking to him,i've come to realised that what people say does not really matter,especially when the person is not close to you or important in any way.i told myself i have better things to do,and whoever is hating,fuck you.Or maybe i should have said thank you because you actually took the time out to talk about me.
Here's to that someone,please look at yourself in the mirror,i'm not talking about looks here,you superficial fuck.i'm talking about your personality.Before you sleep please stack your pillow higher and think.How old already?Some people need to learn not to judge someone by his/her past.Please ask yourself these 7 questions before you open your mouth or post anything funny.
1.Who am i to judge.
2.Are the things i'm stating true?or is it only one-sided.
3.Is it necessary for me to do this.
4.Am i flawless.
5.Is it any business of mine.
6.Is it really how i think it is.
7.Why don't i have the guts to say/ask it in her face and make things clear instead of having stupid assumptions and post all these unwanted and untrue stuffs.
I think the first question enough to make you k.o,good luck ah.

Another thing i want to rant about is,just because you're older doesn't mean you're always right.i can't deny that yes,you're more experienced in life,but that does not mean you don't make mistakes.(The person i'm talking about isn't my parents or any uncle/aunties)need to make sure,in case some brainless cunt misunderstand and slam those hurtful comment at me again.Lol I've no interest in studies but i still understand what is being respectful towards the elderly.Back to the topic,i don't know whether if you're too stress with your own life and have to meddle in other people's one or you're too lonely); i'm not being mean la,really.you have to mind more of your own business because you know nothing and if i'm correct you should be more worried about yourself than me at this point of time.The saying 'empty vessels make the most noise' is so true.i don't even hang out with you at all,you think you know me so well.You sick in the mind hire private investigator follow me 24/7 or you install cctv in my room?kpkb only.You damn pathetic,serious one.if someone is not that good looking,there's make up to help,personality hard to change but if got enough time still got chance.Your this one ah,only got mouth say people,never take time out to analyse your own flaws,got immortal pill also no use.knn pui my singlish and vulgarities all come out.Maintain.Please la at the least i know i did stupid and embarassing stuff a few years back but that one all i put behind,and everything turns out okay for me,you still live in that time?it's wrong of me to say this cause you're older than me,but grow up la.Your one only the face grow older,the mind stay inside grow rusty ah.You really ought to have someone smack you real hard in your face before you can wake up your idea.If you ever look at this blogpost and assume the person i'm ranting about is you,please come at me in my face.i've been waiting far too long.i only target someone who provoke me,if you're that kind who keep your hands at your steering wheels you think i will do this,not i want find trouble is you obviously possess moral issues,you,your thinking and your favourite self denial.Ridiculous,in the end i'll still do what i want and all you can do is go kiss a pig's ass.The thing is,after everything i've rant over here,i still don't understand why are some people so gutless,if the reason you're going to give is i don't want to embarass or hurt your pride and feelings,write it on a piece of paper and stick it up your vajayjay,limbu not as weak as you think.

When I Say I Do.

How naive.

           
             Deep down you know that he'll not always be there when you need him.End of story.

Against Me

Why is it that when something bad happens,it will come one after another.I had a lot going against me,but i had enough going for me.The only thing i can tell myself is it's okay to be a little fucked up and everything will be okay in the end.What else.

A Shot To Kill The Pain.

You cry so much you start to have an anxiety attack and you're gasping for air but you can't seem to calm down and end up puking from the sick to your stomach feeling you get when you replay every word said to you.i thought it was a dream,i thought it wasn't real,but the pain really hurts and it's really how i feel.

11months.i never would have imagined that that would come out of your mouth.i don't know whether you really mean it or not.If i was really as hard hearted like you said,i would've felt nothing.But why do i feel that way.You made me want so much to be alone.i feel that people should always note what they're saying because words can kill.You made me feel so bad about myself.If you're really that mindful about my past you should've told me right from the start.You may not mean what you said,but the fact is you said it without any hesitation.You sound as if i'm doing those things when i'm in the middle of a relationship with you,but i did not.i have made that mistake sometimes and i feel so bad because i can't take back what i've said.i can only apologise and hope that the person will be okay.That was the first time you said that,and it kept on replaying itself.There and then,why don't you realised what you meant as a joke could hurt someone's feeling so bad.Even if you did not do it intentionally,the hurt is already inflicted,no amount of explanations will work.There's a difference between constructive criticism and downright slagging people off.The words won't go away,it may be forgiven but never forgotten.My mind went blank the minute you said that,you may think i should not react so strongly to it.You may think it's a small matter.But to me,i've always thought you are someone who wouldn't hurt me no matter what.i know it's common for someone to say something wrongly but i didn't expect this much hurt just the first time you do that.A relationship shouldn't be like this,no matter what your past is,i wouldn't say that.I am really disappointed.It seems as if the whole 11months is a joke,the things you did for me,the things i did for you,it all seems like nothing.i will be okay i know,but the feeling won't go away.Some time alone will do.Instead of asking me to be understanding,why don't you do some soul searching.Thing became this way because of what you said,don't try to make me the bad guy again.i'm sick and tired already.Breaking up because of this,no,but the pain will be there.
                                                           

Stripped Down and Simple.

Had a heated argument with boy.Sat down and think about it,was the whole thing my fault?am i being way too harsh with my words?did i really hurt him?i don't know.I love you,maybe that's what makes it so complicated.Have you realised that when it comes to other people's relationship,you can give good advices like it was your forte,but when it comes to your own,your mind just turn blank.i know i do have a temper,i hate flying off the handle and cussing people out,but honestly,some people only know one way of interacting with me,it drives me nuts that i'm so bad at controlling it.It's times like this i want to lie in my bed and just not talk to anyone.i've been rather snappy,maybe it's because of all the frustrations i have inside.i know i'm letting my emotions get the best of me.It's a norm for couples to quarrel i know,but whenever it happens to me uh oh uh oh.When you're younger,all you want to find in a guy was his looks,agree?To show off.But as i get older i realised the change,i wanted something else,a sense of security and reliability.My post is not about what important quality a man should have so i won't elaborate more.i've came to realised that getting into a relationship is not about his bank balance,or whether he has a bright future ahead as long as he's down to earth and not the kind to laze around,things will eventually worked out.i do not need a chauffeur,atm machine or someone to wait on me,cause there are some things you have to prove that you can do on your own,i don't want to depend totally on someone.He don't have to dressed up everyday for our date unless there's a need to,He don't have to bring me to posh restaurants,i prefer home cooked meals on special occasions.He don't have to hold my bag for me,just hold my hand instead.No car?we'll take the train.Anniversary?if we're too lazy to head out just stay home to cuddle and watch downloaded movies on the laptop with instant noodles.That's what i want,no dramas,no acts,no showing off,just you and me.The best love is the one that makes you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself.When i'm in a relationship with a guy,it's not with him,but with his parents too.My boyfriend will notice this,and i'll grow to love them as if they were my parents cause while being over at his house,they would treat me like i was their daughter and part of the family.They would sit down and talk with me,give me hugs,cook for me,making me feel so welcome and accepted and i'll feel so happy about that.Being loved by my boyfriend's family is such a nice feeling,so if i were to break up with my boyfriend i would be breaking up with his parents too,and that would break my heart even more because i won't be able to see them like i used to.Of course it'll be nice if my boyfriend loves my parents like his own.I just want a stripped down and simple relationship.

Too much to ask for?Huh.

Ditch Your Baggage

I trust my boyfriend.So far,he's been great.He's never cheated on me or talk to other girls after we got together,even if he does he would explain himself.i know he'll always be here when i need him and he never fails to.He would talk about the future,so i guess this guy is serious about this thing.You see,sometimes,something has to come and disrupt it.i happened to see my boy's past blog and of course he'll blog about his ex-girlfy,i realised he used to say the completely same things to her that he now says to me.Ok,this guy is totally trustworthy but after seeing this,or should i say any girls who see this would get the feeling that he's trying to mould her into what he had with his past girl.On the other hand what else can a guy say?Their lines are always that few.'i miss you so much''Don't leave me i can't live without you''i must think before i say cause i'm afraid of making you angry''i'm afraid to lose you''you are really important to me' etc.I know my boyfriend would see this.i understand that all of these is in the past,but it still feels a little uneasy and insecure in the inside.i try not to think too much,although i did the first time i chanced upon his blog,i bring it up in boyfriend's face and we talked it out,he forgot about his password thou,it was two years ago,and i can't blame him for that,cause if i did,it would seem like i'm a petty and narrow minded girlfriend which i do not want to turn out to be.Everyone wants an honest,no mind games relationship,if only it was as easy as being said.Many guys would not bring up the subject of a break up even if he wants to nowadays,they would do things to make the girl take the initiative,and make it seems like the girl is the bad guy.Never underestimate a man's ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes-Rihanna.My boyfriend knows very well i want him to be honest with me,i once told him 'if one day you find that you have no feelings for me any longer,tell me immediately' cause i'm not a person who likes to beat around the bush and waste time.He assured that he's also a person who makes clear of his feelings,so i'm quite happy about that.i hope when baby sees this he wouldn't misunderstand.i just wanted to share this because i'm sure there'll be other couples out there having this issue right now.
Note to baby:Hun,i still trust that you're serious about us and i love you. 

When shit like this happens,this is the time to clear out the emotional clutter that holds us back in relationships.Whether or not you've dated a long line of losers,been cheated on or just suffered a run of bad luck in the relationship,it can be hard to leave the problems in the past where they belong,it's important to deal with it,cause it can play out again and again in your head.To deny it just perpetuates it.Although i haven't yet been cheated on,i know it's a fucked up thing,everyone does la actually.*oh god wei semo i feel like a bitch when i type this*If you really intend to accept a new guy into your life,you got to deal with it,bringing your mistrust from a previous partner to a new relationship is not being fair to your new partner.You won't fully invest in a relationship because you don't feel it's safe to be vulnerable.Open up baby,risk it.Who knows it might be a blessing in disguise?Again,If you meet a bastard who hurts you,he's not worth your time,and tears.Move on.Be honest about your feelings and don't dwell on your stressful feelings in silence,it'll be more constructive to share your worries and fears with your partner.Focus on the present,i'm still learning.